What happened to all that faith and courage?

I arrived in Kigali, Rwanda last night along with all of my luggage!  My journey was thankfully very smooth. I made all my connections despite one long flight delay.  The hardest part of the journey was saying goodbye to family in Atlanta.  Maybe it is just the heightened state of my emotions from saying goodbye to family and friends for the past three weeks or the build-up of stress over finances, buying supplies, and packing.  But, I was unusually teary.  I cried through airport security and through most of the flight from Atlanta to Washington, D.C.  Even the flight attendant asked if I was ok.  And, I was even though the words could barely be spoken because I knew that Jesus was holding my hands and keeping me steady.

Matthew 14:28-31

“Then Peter called to him, ‘Lord if its really you tell me to come to you, walking on the water.’  ‘Yes, come,’ said Jesus. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.  ‘Save me, Lord!” he shouted.  Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. ‘You have so little faith,’ Jesus said, ‘Why did you doubt me?’ ” 

Like you, I have heard so many lessons on these verses.  Most of the lessons focus on challenging us to have the courage to get out of the boat and follow through on something the Lord is calling us to do.  As if getting out of the boat is hardest part. Don’t get me wrong, getting out of the boat (i.e. our comfort zone) is a giant step of faith and courage. But, what about the part where Peter realizes that he is walking on unstable ground and becomes terrified?  Peter got out of the boat with courage and faith.  So, how did it suddenly all disappear? 

Over the past three weeks, I have been in that terrified state.  I have taken my eyes off of Jesus and been captivated by the unstable environment surrounding me.  I have doubted my call to Rwanda and given in to fear and defeat.  What happened to my courage and faith?

So, we all know the end of Peter’s story.  Peter shouts out to Jesus, “Save me, Lord”. (Funny, Jesus is standing right there and sees Peter sinking, but Jesus doesn’t help until Peter desperately calls out.) And immediately Jesus grabs Peter.  

I imagine this is like a young child learning to ride a bike.  Feeling wobbly, the child pleads with his parents, “Don’t let go! Please, don’t let me fall!”  And the parents, assuring the child, “I am right here.  I won’t let you fall.  Trust me and just watch where you are going!”  

The morning of my flight to Rwanda, I listened to a podcast that reminded me to follow Peter’s example and call out to Jesus when I find myself on unsteady ground.  So, that’s what I did. On United Airlines flight 3786, in seat 10C, I whispered, “Jesus, Lord, save me! Don’t let me drown in this fear.” Through my tears, I whispered this over and over again.  Of course, I whispered because I imagine if I shouted it out like Peter did, I would still be in the custody of airport security as I type! I cried out and immediately, Jesus grabbed me.